


Love you more

by BruceChickinson



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 13:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18965986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BruceChickinson/pseuds/BruceChickinson
Summary: Hinata knows she loves Naruto more.





	Love you more

**Author's Note:**

> Sth I wrote a while ago and was lost on my draft folder
> 
> Self projection angst? Of course

Something bothers me about myself and Naruto-kun. About my feelings for him and his feelings for me in comparison side by side. And it's not even his fault. It's not his fault because people have different ways to love. And of course, it's not his fault for not having loved me for as long as I have loved him. For so long, he was my everything. I memorized every small detail about him, every bit of interaction we ever had. I carefully organized all my collections of memories and facts about him, like I was sculpting the most faithful portrait of him in my mind. And he didn't even notice me until a few months ago. And even so, I'm still the one who remembers all the details, the one that knows everything I can about him, the one who tries so hard to please him with every step I take and worship him with every cell inside my body. I'm not sure if he remembers which day is my birthday. I doubt he know my favourite food is cinnamon rolls. I know he has no idea which was the day of our first kiss.   


He isn't cold towards me. But not being cold doesn't equal being warm. And it's funny because he radiates so much heat, I always thought it was logical to assume that the closer to him the warmest. But it's not like that at all. He's always preocupied with someone else's problems, he cares so much about others, and the light he produces reaches the brightest the further away from him.   


Even though I'm the shy one between us, saying I love you comes as natural as breathing. Because that feeling was always there, it's not that hard to verbalize it. I said it before we even were a thing. In front of every one. I didn't hesitate and I didn't stutter. I said it swiftly and confidently. Of course, I do still feel my apple cheeks burn a little when the sentence leaves my mouth, but it's still easy enough. He, on the other hand, took ages to say something on those lines. And I can't help but feeling like he only said because it got uncomfortable for him hearing me saying it so many times without a response. I know it's silly. I know Naruto-kun doesn't say things if he doesn't mean them, but my insecurity still gets the better of me half the time.  


And still I feel like one in a million, because he has thousands of friends, countless people always around him. It didn't bother me quite this much before. Or at least I didn't think I was allowed to feel bad. I never feel like I'm worth any attention anyway, and the world around me always reassured me of that every single day of my life. So, I thought it wasn't my place to ask, or worse, to  _demand_  some. Even if it was something so little. Even if it made me cry until I fell asleep.  


There's also the subject about  _him_. The man I refuse to talk about, like I'm afraid somehow saying his name will conjure him from wherever he is nowadays. Sometimes, I want to ask Naruto-kun if  _the man_  still sends letters to him, but I'm so afraid of the answer and its implications that I don't dare to do so. I avoid entering his house when he's not there because I'm terified of finding golden eyes of a falcon starring back at mine with a piece of paper on its beak. But I'm always reminded, one way or the other, of his existence, though. Naruto-kun still keeps one or two of his belongings at his home, for example. And it makes me so angry sometimes, which makes me confused because anger is not like me at all, that I just want to take them away pathetically and pretend it wasn't me. Hide them somewhere where they won't make my heart ache at every sight. And I know, just as much I know doesn't saying his name solves nothing, that'd be only psychological. Because, as much as I'd like to, I can't throw away his feelings for him.  
  


What bothers me about us is that he doesn't love me as much as I love him. And that's fine. It just hurts a little.


End file.
